Wednesday, January 7, 2009

New Years Resolutions!

so normally i dont even attempt at making any new years resolutions because.... well i never keep them. but this year i decided i would set goals that 1. i could actually achieve 2. would make me a better person and 3. hopefully make me hotter! well here they are.... enjoy!

1. Drink More Caffeine- i chose this one for many many reasons. lets face it caffeine makes me a happier less tired person. i mean so what if my teeth turn a darker shade of yellow each day... why do you think they invented crest white strips? at least its Diet! plus anything unnatural that i can keep pouring down my throat i applaud! i tried for 3 days this year to not drink caffeine... so not fun. and i just ended up tired with a constant craving for blow pops.... weird i know.

2. eat less candy- now normally the phrase "sugar free" is a 4 letter word created by Satan ( i'm pretty sure he invented it right after he came up with the idea of a menstrual cycle and stretch marks) but i have decided to cut back this year. i already have an advantage because of my small hands, see when i take a handful of say peanut M&M's (which by the way were like crack to me over Christmas) i only get like 6, where as Cherise gets like 12. Now i just have to teach myself to only take one handful and i think i'll be good!

3.Close my big mouth- i know its hard to believe but in the past my big mouth has gotten me into trouble... which is why this year i am going to try to make less comments that require the people around me to make awkward laughter and either quickly look the other way or lift up their eyebrows extremely high. the best thing i can do is feel out my audience, you know see what they can handle and then filter accordingly. and by the way everything i know i learned from my mother.

4. Wish Happy Birthday/ Return Phone Calls- I have been very bad at these two things for quit sometime now and that is why this year is going to be different. its not that i dont want to remember your birthday.... its just that i dont always remember you!. is to much to ask for a countdown from the birthdayee? anything? also i do want to call people back i just forget. i have a lot going on right now. i mean every night i have like 7 or 8 reality shows to watch. and keep up with all the Hollywood drama.... i cant believe Heidi and Spencer didn't actually get married...I hope Jake and Reese dont break up and i wonder how Jon and Kelly are doing? (Travolta and Preston that is). see i have so much on my plate so just be patient with me. oh and by the way if i dont mention it Happy 09 Birthday, and i'm sure i'll be calling you back soon!

5. Don't get a Flat Tire- this may seem like a really easy task for most... but most aren't me! in the past 3 1/2 years i have had 4, that's right 4 flat tires! now i know this isn't normal because i managed to go 21 years without a single flat tire. everyone knows that the first flat tire gave me the special opportunity to pee, i mean urinate, in a cup in my car and drive 30 miles squished between 2 overweight elderly tow truck men Yessss! and its been all down hill from there. one time i had a nail and screw in 1 tire. i mean unless they've been doing some construction at the Nordstrom parking lot i'm not really the kind of girl that drives around construction sites. and dont think i dont check the preasure... i do. i stick that thing that looks like a pen that shoots out that stick that has numbers on it on my tire a lot and each time things seem to be ok. anyway thank goodness i know how to change tire because now if you do see me on the side of the road i'll be getting out my jack and singing "Independent Women" by Destiney's Child instead of relieving myself in the backseat of my car!

6. Continue to always win at Tetris- Easy Breazy.... because unless Katie Fawcett comes into town i'll be squashing the competition all year long! When you are given a gift from above you must use it and continue to improve. can you imagine if Michael Jordan had given up on basketball? or if David Archaletta had never tried out for American Idol? The world would be a sad lonely place.... therefore i must continue to excell!

7. Run a race- yes this year i would love to run in like a 5k or a 10k. now i years past i've thought why would i pay money to run around the block and feel fat, out of shape, and probably ugly? i mean heavy panting, and leg fat jiggling all around wasn't my idea of a fun afternoon! if i wanted that i would just watch Kevin James peel an orange. but i've changed my mind and decided it would be a great accomplishment to brag about to others, and when i get my "free"( see its not actually free because you paid to be there but whatever) ugly shirt you better believe i will wear that bad boy around everywhere these cottage cheese legs will take me.

8.Stay single- nothing brings me greater joy then when someone comes up and asks if i'm married, because then i get the great opportunity of saying with, no i'm not. then i'm thrilled when they freely offer me dating tips and or advice on how to snag that special someone or suggest i date their cousin's nephew's friend. well i just want to say that i just love being single! i mean sleeping in a twin bed when i go home... so fun. always telling servers "can we get separate checks". or at the movies... "i'll take one for he's just not that into you". see all these things i would never have the opportunity to do if i were married. so this year, no more blind dates, and no more munch & mingles... cause this tax sheet box is checked single!!

Happy New year to Everyone!

Love Sarah


Dad said...

You really should have your own newspaper column!

Rodgers Family said...

oh sarah you are hilarious! Though I like Jake and Reese together. I like the caffeine thing as well. Keep it coming

Andy said...

Here are my thoughts on your column.

1. First let me say that drinking caffeine actually increases the likelihood of the body burning fat over carbs (which is why the NCAA bands it for athletes. So it may work to your advantage.
But also be aware that we Hendrickson's have addictive personalities (I am not sure where they come from). So I would consider going 2 days on 1 day off, to avoid this happening. Plus caffeine increases the risk of kidney stones (and who wants those)

2.When eating candy, there are ways to trick the body. For example eating 18 and not eating any for two days, is better than eating six a day. (Plus it also battles the addiction thing).
Oh and try extra gum (I learned this on Biggest Loser)

3. How about instead of closing the mouth, avoid people who aid in the big mouth trouble. Like gossips or people who get offended every other second.

4. By cutting out the people in #3 you should be able to accomplish #4.

5. If you move here to NYC you will not drive a car (see where I am going with this)

6. I do not mean to discourage you from playing Tetris but Michael and David are making a few dollars off of sticking to it. Oh never mind, I like the focus. Go Big 6-8 hours a day. One handed, wearing Becca's glasses, upside down.

7. I signed you up for the "Bare Buns fun run". Happy Birthday

8. Stefany and I actually get separate checks, is that weird. She said as long as she makes the money, she gets to eat more than me. If I eat more, I have to pay my part of the meal.

When you succeed in accomplishing all of your resolutions, we will all remember this moment right here.

Happy American New Year

birdeeb said...

I really enjoyed reading your resolutions LOL! You sound A LOT like me... and can you believe when I watched the last episode of The Hills Spencer almost made me cry??? I was SHOCKED! It would be so dumb of them to be married in the courthouse like that! For once he wasn't a butt! (well not totally haha). I LOVE Peanut M & M's! They are TOTALLY crack! LOL And reading through Andy's suggestions I totally LOL'd on #7!! ;o)

Rachel said...

Good to think of the fact that a pro to the small hands is less sweets. I will try to make that a fact and not an opportunity to get up to get more m&ms. A pro of being sick is needing to drink more water and no diet coke, so not that I'm a huge diet coke drinker but I've had only one can since being back in SLC!

thefrommfam said...

Sarah you are so freking hillarious. I already miss you so much. Hopefully you are having fun in Utah though. Love you.



You are such a fun chick...who would want you to be any different than you are...I will come to Utah and be there to cheer you girls on in your race...that is a promise.

Katie and Brett said...

Very admirable goals. I agree with your really should have your own newspaper column. You're hilarious! So, it looks like I must make a visit to Utah this year to give you the much needed competition in Tetris Attack! You better keep in the best Tetris Attack shape as possible. Forget the race, just stick to the finger exercises.